Gym Rant #6

Today was another chaotic day at the gym. It just seems like the people just keep coming out of the wood work. It almost looked like some sort of parade in there.

I like the gym. It's my place of release. Most of the time I'm a mellow dude at the gym. Today I had to pull the asshole card out of my back pocket and exercise it on some guy. I'm all for calling dibs on exercise equipment when the gym is packed like it is. What I'm not okay with is some random guy standing over me. Watching me. Breathing hard with his hands on his hips.

So here I am on the situp machine doing my thing. Everytime I went down I saw him. Everytime I came back up I saw. I could have put my arm out and touched the dude he was standing so close. So after about 10 I can't help myself.

Me: Do you mind moving back some. I feel like your almost on me. I'll make sure you get this right after I'm done.

Dude: I'm good. I don't want to get in anyone else's way.

Me: I don't want you to be in anyone else's way either, but I also don't want to feel like you're in my personal space.

Dude: Well if you hurry we both can get what we want.

(If I was a black woman he would have definitely got the "Oh Hell Nall", some neck popping and a little finger waving.) (I'm a guy and trying to learn to act my age and not bark at everyone I see.)

Me: Sure thing buddy.

I pick up the machine and take it an entirely different area. The whole time keeping eye contact with the guy. I take it all the way to the other side of the gym. Do some situps. He follows. I take it back to the other side of the gym. He follows. Finally I give up. I give him the situp machine. I know I'm supposed to be working on being positive, but I can't let this guy win.

So I do what any self-respecting man does. I return the favor. I get as close to him as possible and I stand there. I stand so close with my back to him that if I farted sweat from my ass would pop like popcorn all over his face. After about 5 or 6 situps he just gets message and storms off. As he walks away he makes sure to call me an "asshole". The only thing going through mind was that I wish I would have farted.

"Like popcorn"
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6 comments:

Tipsy Nikki said...

Thanks, I'm eating popcorn right now and really did not need that image.

I have this image of you guys in one of those Benny Hill sketches running around the gym really fast with the situp machine. Funny.

Wes said...

You probably worked out your arms carrying that machine all over the place.

~Sheila~ said...

LMAO@TIPSY
I remember Benny Hill shows.

Too bad you didn't fart.

Ace C said...

@Tipsy
Anything for you. That's what I'm here for.

@Wes. It was worth every bit of the workout though.

@Sheila
I know. Next time I'll try to pull one off.

Cin said...

LMAO @ the last sentence! A friend I used to work with said that once. They were testing the phone paging system between different divisions. A man came over the intercom and asked for someone at our division to page him back if we could hear the page. She said, "Damn! I wish I could muster up a big fart right about now! I would fart in the phone!".

Ace C said...

@ Cin
That would've been something to see and experience.