I've Gone Country, Just a Little

So I've got myself a bar people or at least until the move. I go there every Tuesday and Friday. Sometimes on Saturday, just depending on how I feel.

I should've posted this last week, but forgot about the whole thing. I guess that's what a few beers will do to you.

Here's how the night usually goes. We drink pitchers. I pump the jukebox with music that I like and only that I like. We play darts, pool or shuffle board. Just depending on the availability.

As usual I'm minding my business. Singing to my music and playing pool. I'm doing pretty well this time around. I'm on a 8-1 run. I'm not even that good at pool, so my I'm feeling pretty good about myself, until the pitcher runs out and I can't seem to find the waitress that's waiting on us. This happens every time we go there. Finding the waitress is like finding Waldo. She is never around. I mention to my buddies about how bad the waitress' service is. And the waiting begins. I could easily walk up to the bar, but that would defeat the purpose of the whole thing. After waiting for about 20 minutes for her to come around, she appears out of nowhere.

I'm readying my mouth to tell her another pitcher when this chic says to me, "Did you play the last couple of songs on the Jukebox?"
I say, "Yeah!"
She giggles and says, "That's do funny we've been making fun of your selection for the last 20 minutes."
(She lets out a roar of a laugh)
(Here comes the "Dick" in me.)
I tell her, "Funny you should say that. We've been doing the same thing ."
She says, "What do you mean?"
I say, "We've been making fun of you. I mean how crappy your service is. I was just telling them how I hate it when you're in this section because you never come back around and how I should complain to management about your service. So if you could get us 2 more pitchers of Michelob Ultra, try to hold the spit and you can keep the change."
( She looks at me as if I just crawled up on her kitchen table and took a big crap in her Frosty Flakes.)
(She returns and apologizes for her comments.) (I give her the 2 finger salute.) (If only I had sunk the 8 ball in the corner pocket the story would have been complete.)

There is a moral to this story. When you're in the bar and there is a jukebox, cough up some quarters to hear your music. If I get to it before you, sorry. It's my damn hard earned money. I could care less what someone else wants to hear. Don't mean to sound rude, but that's just how I feel. If you wanted to hear something you would put your money in the jukebox. I'm an equal opportunist when it comes to music. I like just about everything, but when I'm drinking I have a few country songs that I have to hear. Don't get it twisted I'm not a fan of country, but I do like a couple of tunes.
Country Selections
Don't Take the Girl - Tim McGraw
Live Like You Were Dying - Tim McGraw
You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
Mud on the Tires - Brad Paisley
Whiskey Girl - Toby Keith
They have to be played in that order too. For strange reason that I haven't figure out yet. So if you are ever in a bar and you here these songs think of me or check the bar for the only black guy singing.
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Brad said...

Next time your in town we gotta hit a bar for pool & darts -

I'll even let you man the juke box. (cringe)

I tease.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Oh man, you are too funny. "Hold the spit." Ha ha. Good for you telling her like it is especially since she wasn't giving you service. I could see if she was taking care of you guys and wanted to be playful about your selections (which are good by the way)but to be gone for 20 minutes BECAUSE of it, ha ha, RUDE!!!! I would have thrown my panini in her face. Ha ha ha.

Life On The Tail Of A Comet said...

I love all those songs- it's not like they are...I'm not going to go there....There's no excuse for crappy service unless the management sets them up to fail- doesn't sound like that is the case. I woud be hard pressed to make fun of someone who is contributing to my income- especially to their face. I think that's pretty rude.
Thanks for your comment abour losing my beautiful boy. I bet he would have liked you.

....You Sick Bastard said...

I usually leave the bad service comments at the end of the service. Saves me from having to eat the shit covered steak. Then I'd leave a penny tip and a note saying that they could use the penny as a down payment for their college edumacation.

Slick said...

I can handle country songs in moderation...

Unless I'm drunk. Then bring'em on!

Mo said...

I've got nothing I can publicly write here.

kimmyk said...

ya think she spit in your beer?


i was so with ya about the juke box but i gotta draw the line at don't take the girl.

that is just not a song i wanna hear in the bar when i'm tryin to have a good time. but please know that everytime i hear it, i'll think of you!

Summer said...

I like country music and hip hop and classical and reggae and bubblegum and I'd go bar hopping with you any day!